The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
why is half of my head shaved?
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