wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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