We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
