If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
