My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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