Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
