and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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