she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
