i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
