yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
