Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
