guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
