My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
