And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
