like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
