I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
