I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
