Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just had sex bonerless
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
