This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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