I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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