:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
