He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
