You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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