Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
