last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
