Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
