he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
