it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
