Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
