If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
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