Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
