At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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