His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
