So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
