we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Can I color on your dick again?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
