Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
