The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
