My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
