hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
