Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
