He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
