I smell stomach acid.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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