I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
