do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
