I hate your face
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
