Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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