I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
