I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You made out with two different species that night
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
