I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
