Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
