Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My life is pants optional.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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